This year, I’ve waged a war on how I feel. My feelings set me back, they’re very convincing – and like a trusted friend, I’ve listened to them for a long time. But feelings are up and down, they’re there one minute and gone the next – a rollercoaster of fun and fear, joy and terror… like a clown that turns a normal day into a horror movie.
They make me not want to get up in the morning and exercise; they’d rather I push the snooze button once x 10. Feelings make me not want to cook, not want to catch the bus, not do anything that removes me from a comfort that threatens to kill me in a fit of apathy.
My feelings tell me I’m not good enough, not doing enough – they tell me that I’m deficient, that I can’t, that I shan’t. They’re the voice of comparison when I’m scrolling social media, the cry of insecurity when I look in the mirror and the overwhelm that washes over me when I wake up to face another day.
Feelings that can be trusted
Sometimes, and only sometimes, feelings can be trusted. The feelings that linger, that signal like a siren call that something isn’t quite right. We’re instinctual creatures in many ways and “trusting your gut” isn’t a saying for no reason.
But nine out of ten times, feelings are fake news. Don’t listen to them. Persevere, one small step at a time. When you’re a few feet away from the summit of a mountain you never thought you could climb – look down at where you once were and wave, because you’re at the top of one of many things you will surmount in this existence. It’s a climb that you have to do alone over and over again – at your own pace because this is YOUR life, and it’s a marathon… not a sprint. Sorry, not sorry for all the cliches in this post. I like my inspiration with a thick layer of cheese. Mmmm, cheese.
Trying is a necessity, not an option
The worst possible end is not failure to fulfil your dreams, it’s one where you never tried, where you never pushed yourself because your feelings told you not to.
So if you’re a culprit of listening to your feelings, don’t worry – I am too – but let’s do the hard thing and smother those fuckers. It’s a war you’ll never win, but the possibility of sitting on that Iron Throne for a few hours of every day is oh so worth it.