I read Mark Manson’s article ‘Romance is like alcohol’ today and.. *rolls up sleeves”… are you ready?
So I’m just going to say it straight, I’m a romantic. I love romance. It’s completely intoxicating… so much so that I’ll take a bath in it and drown myself. It’s been three years since single Rebecca has been let loose on the streets and I seem to have a lot more game than I used to, but none of the smarts.
And I’m having to learn some hard lessons (involving tears) about dating, being authentic and having boundaries. It’s been difficult for me to be 100% honest with myself that I am not entirely comfortable being a solo act.
I’ve always felt defensive admitting that I’m looking for a partner to share this beautifully twisted life with because I’m meant to be “a strong, independent woman”. I’m realising that the two are not mutually exclusive.
When does a desire translate into monophobio (fear of being alone)? It’s the human condition to seek connection. I believe that most us want to love and be loved, even if our views on relationships differ. It’s in our biology to procreate 😉 And like the Penguins and the Swifts who mate for life, I have a traditional outlook that I aspire to.
I’ve spent a lot of time reading NY Times’s Modern Love column, listening to Brene Brown Ted Talks and perusing Mark Manson’s blog (he is the literal best), in a bid to figure out why I think a relationship will either make or break the rest of my life. I do partly blame Disney for brain washing me as a kid!
The problem with being uncomfortable as a single entity is that it can negatively impact how one approaches new connections and just life in general. My friends, whom I love to death, have gently tried to tell me to slow down- I must have the most patient friends in the world because they have had to sit through many a rant in return:
“I WISH I was born a man, because then none of these STUPID rules would apply to me.” – But seriously!
“I had an epiphany in the shower today about John Doe… [insert expletives and crazy conspiracy theories]” – Lots of gin and tonics were usually consumed the night preceding these.
“So you know when I said I wasn’t going to text?” – Cue face palms. This women’s texting conundrum was hilarious, but also made me think I need a texting time out.
“So you know when you told me I should play it cool?” – Many more face palms.
This evening I watched this fantastic Ted Talk by Brene Brown on the power of vulnerability and decided to write this post. It’s not easy to tell you that the idea of being alone for the rest of my life scares the pants off of me. But I’m doing it for the women in my peer group who might feel the same way as me. Because I know that there are many beautiful, talented, amazing single twenty, thirty, forty somethings who have watched their friends in long term relationships, engaged, married and doing the kids thing… and sometimes you wonder where you went wrong!
And if you’re going through a tough patch and need some comedic relief, I highly recommend:
- Watching ‘Think Like A Man’ (It’s on Netflix and is cheesy, but funny)
- Reading NY Time’s Modern Love column, starting with ‘The End of Small Talk’ podcast
- Reading Mark Manson’s blog, starting with ‘Fuck yes or no’
- Binge reading Awkward Yeti’s Heart & Brain comics
“In the same way I learnt to hold my liquor, I learnt to hold my heart.”
I’m getting there, and the secret is practicing self-love first- because out of a place of content, the rest will follow.